Woman Work

“Woman Work”  - Maya Angelou

I’ve got the children to tend

The clothes to mend

The floor to mop

The food to shop

Then the chicken to fry

The baby to dry

I got company to feed

The garden to weed

I’ve got shirts to press

The tots to dress

The cane to be cut

I gotta clean up this hut

Then see about the sick

And the cotton to pick.

 

Shine on me, sunshine

Rain on me, rain

Fall softly, dewdrops

And cool my brow again.

 

Storm, blow me from here

With your fiercest wind

Let me float across the sky

‘Til I can rest again.

 

Fall gently, snowflakes

Cover me with white

Cold icy kisses and

Let me rest tonight.

 

Sun, rain, curving sky

Mountain, oceans, leaf and stone

Star shine, moon glow

You’re all that I can call my own.

Just Don’t Care

Ok. This is bad. Very bad.

I am gaining weight by the second, and I just don’t care.

This is bad news on many fronts. Bad for my health, bad for my husband (wink), bad for my kids (out of breath trying to carry them), bad, bad, bad. And I don’t know why I feel this way. In December/January I declared that this was my year to reach my goal weight – and I wasn’t kidding around. I said it with conviction…with faith.

Could it be because I’ve started working full time outside the home? Could it be because my (almost) 6 month old is still not sleeping through the night, and my 2 year old has a lingering cough that turns into hacking fits in the middle of the night? Could it be because my attitude sucks? I don’t know. But I’m a little scared because I’ve really never felt this ambivalent about my weight.

After Sophie was born last October I got down to my lowest weight in 7 years (yay me!). But now it’s creeping back up to the “scary range”. Sigh. I’m not whining, but I don’t know what to do to get motivated. I’ve looked at the health magazines (which usually jazz me up for healthy living), I’ve hung out with my girlfriends who are “success stories”, I’ve pep-talked myself, and made healthy menus. But all to no avail. I’ve also prayed. Nothing.

So here I am, feeling like Jabba the Hut, wondering when the tide will turn and if by that time I will actually resemble Mr. Hut.

Kaitlyn Rose

here are some photos of Kaitlyn from last summer and fall (2008).  she’s turning two next month.  i’m still amazed at how quickly she’s grown and changed.  My beautiful Kaitlyn Rose.

 

In class

A new blog look.  I’ll probably be changing it every time I blog, simply because I take too long to update and then I get bored with the thing. 

But on to more interesting topics…

I am back in the classroom.  And loving it.  I am a long term substitute for one of the English teachers at Harlingen High School, the place where I taught for eight years.  Everyone has welcomed me back with open arms and is hoping that I re-join the team next school year.  I just might do that.

The classroom is a different place for me now.  After a year and a half in Mexico and a total of three children of my own, it is safe to say that my perspective is very different.  I now see teenagers with broken homes; broken hearts; dragging in to class unable to stay awake because of God-knows-what keeping them up the night before; smart brains but poor choices; trying, trying to find out who they are…  Of course some of them are pretty together, but I see them differently, too.  They need just as much attention as the broken.  They need to know that they matter; that they’re not invisible because of their “good” behavior in this sea of drugs and drama.  I’m smiling as they walk into the classroom because I WANT to smile, not because a teacher textbook tells me I must.  I take some time to talk to them and give the grammar a rest because I really want to know what’s going on with them.  Compassion motivates me.  They are responding.  It’s kind of like breathing.  

It’s hard to get used to the 8-hour-a-day work schedule, and I realize that I have much less time with my own children.  It makes the time with them even more precious.  I find myself being jealous of Melodee playing at her friend’s house.  WE need to spend the evening together.  But I can’t keep her for myself alone.  Finding ways to be meaningful to her in even the smallest conversations and gestures.  My babies.  Yet I find value in touching the lives of these teenagers, too.  Not to be their mamma, but to be a voice or a smile that lets them know there is someone in their lives who is rooting for them. God help my testimony to bear fruit.

Spinnin’ Round

We’ve been in the states since Dec. 16th and it appears we will be staying permanently.  Sorry to all my fabu-friends who are hearing about this for the first time on my blog instead of by email. It has been quite a hectic three weeks.  

Our first week in the states was great-O!  We hung out with family, saw a few friends here in the Valley and then went on a whirlwind weekend getaway to Houston with my dearest Erica and her hubby Scott.  They treated us to a lovely B&B on Saturday night (with a G-R-E-A-T Italian dinner, to boot) and we all went to church together at Lakewood on Sunday a.m.  The “Lakewood experience,” as I like to call it, is a post in itself.  So more on that later.  Abner and I (and Sophie) were totally spoiled by their love and generosity, and will never forget that great weekend.  I’ll post some dy-no-mite pics FROM MY NEW CAMERA!!!!! as soon as I get them downloaded to the compu.  Let me tell you.  It is no small feat.  I am dabbling in photography on a whole new level and have almost 800 photos to rifle through!  YYYYEEEEEEEEHHHHHAAAAAAA!

(deep breath)

Ok.  I gotta hurry this up ’cause Melodee is interrupting me every 2 minutes to read her a book (we’re here at the library).  So, we had planned to return to Mexico this week for our last two month stint, finishing up the transition for the leadership of the music ministry.  But we’ve run into some problems with Sophie’s SS card and our tax filing, so we’re going to have to stay for now.  We’ll probably go back in March to visit and to help in the church’s anniversary services.  It’s an awkward situation, though, because we are going to have to start looking for jobs to get some income “coming in”, if you know what I mean.  I’ll really try to post what’s going on with all of that asap, but it’s hard to find quiet time, even in the library, apparently, to really concentrate and share.  So, bear with me, and check in once a week or so to see if I’ve been successful in getting online.  

It’s been three weeks of blessing, decision making, sickness with the babies and myself, and trying to keep up with the family and friends that we love so much and want to visit.  We hope that you all understand my lack of communication, and that you don’t stop “dropping by” to visit me on my blog or facebook.

To all of my great friends out there…happy new year, happy inauguration, and happy superbowl  :)

Blessings!

America, I have arrived!

Weeeee’re baaaaack!  And so glad to have hot running water, bathtubs, dishwashers, closets, central A/C and heat, totally enclosed houses….I could go on.  

We were greeted with a biting cold front upon our arrival in the Valley  on Monday night (a little pre-Christmas gift for Abner and I from our heavenly Father).  Today it has finally warmed up, but we’re expecting another front by Sunday.  Yayyyy!  I’ve been grateful for the cooler weather down in Mexico, but it’s really wonderful to actually need to break out the heavy jackets.  

Tuesday I went to get my license renewed.  It expired in November of ’07, can you believe it???  I’ve felt so…unAmerican…an expired license.  But it’s good again, and I’ll finally have a new picture that (hopefully) won’t make me cringe every time I have to pull it out.

I’ve been doing my walk/run training schedule (thanks, Dawn, for your Go Dawn Go page…so much info I’ve gotten on how to start this thing!).  I’ve decided to create a new tab in my blog (like Dawn’s) called WOG Blog.  WOG stands for Walk + jOG, a combo of the two words.  Anyway, who knows if anyone will care to read it, but Dawn’s inspired me to get going with this, and perhaps one of you lovely readers will be inspired by my humble journey to becoming a runner.

I’m trying to create this post in the play area of Burger King while Melodee and Kaitlyn play with their cousin Brianna.  I’m hoping they’ll tire out and take a nap once we get home.  BK is the only wi-fi place that has kids’ entertainment, and where I can try to put together a sentence with more than 3 words! Ha!

Hope to post more soon, but be patient.  There’s lots of family to visit, activities to do (Christmas anyone?), and personal business to take care of (getting Sophie’s social security card and passport, among other things).  So I’ll write again as soon as we can get back to BK.  Ciao, all!

A little moody

I’m feeling a little moody tonight.  Not angry…not upset…not frustrated or aggravated…just moody.  I suppose it’s because I’ve been taking stock of a lot of things in my life.  Perhaps I ”should just leave my live stock alone” (as Dawn says, 5 points to the first person to identify this quote).  I have just turned 33 years old and I am discovering some disturbing truths about myself.  Such as:

I still have a lot of issues with confronting people I love about things they do that bother me (confronting in a healthy way).

I still get frustrated too easily by the circumstances of life, and tend to short-circuit when I feel overwhelmed by them.

I don’t have many (or any?) hobbies or pasttimes that I am passionate about.

I sometimes feel that I don’t “know myself” nearly as well as I expected to by this age.

I am a little fearful that I won’t accomplish as much as I’ve dreamed in the time I have left on this earth.

Sigh.  See?  Moody.

I’m not depressed or anything, but I’m having to adjust some of the expectations and beliefs I’ve had about myself and my life.  And that’s not a terrifically comfortable experience.  Marriage, motherhood, and ministry have brought the “scum to the surface,” so to speak, and it saddens me to find that there is so much of it!  Thankfully, I know that God is still doing a work in me; and though I have never had any illusions of being a finished product, I’m glad He is merciful and forgives my overconfidence in myself.  At times I wonder when the refiner’s fire will not be so hot!  Will change, growth, and maturity EVER get easier?  No, I know it won’t.  The heat will just pull up the deeper issues and needs. 

So that’s my “Status” tonight.  Musing on my human-ness, my fallability, and my need for Him.  Tonight I’m feeling the pain.