On Course…

“Woman Work”  - Maya Angelou

I’ve got the children to tend

The clothes to mend

The floor to mop

The food to shop

Then the chicken to fry

The baby to dry

I got company to feed

The garden to weed

I’ve got shirts to press

The tots to dress

The cane to be cut

I gotta clean up this hut

Then see about the sick

And the cotton to pick.

Shine on me, sunshine

Rain on me, rain

Fall softly, dewdrops

And cool my brow again.

Storm, blow me from here

With your fiercest wind

Let me float across the sky

‘Til I can rest again.

Fall gently, snowflakes

Cover me with white

Cold icy kisses and

Let me rest tonight.

Sun, rain, curving sky

Mountain, oceans, leaf and stone

Star shine, moon glow

You’re all that I can call my own.

Ok. This is bad. Very bad.

I am gaining weight by the second, and I just don’t care.

This is bad news on many fronts. Bad for my health, bad for my husband (wink), bad for my kids (out of breath trying to carry them), bad, bad, bad. And I don’t know why I feel this way. In December/January I declared that this was my year to reach my goal weight – and I wasn’t kidding around. I said it with conviction…with faith.

Could it be because I’ve started working full time outside the home? Could it be because my (almost) 6 month old is still not sleeping through the night, and my 2 year old has a lingering cough that turns into hacking fits in the middle of the night? Could it be because my attitude sucks? I don’t know. But I’m a little scared because I’ve really never felt this ambivalent about my weight.

After Sophie was born last October I got down to my lowest weight in 7 years (yay me!). But now it’s creeping back up to the “scary range”. Sigh. I’m not whining, but I don’t know what to do to get motivated. I’ve looked at the health magazines (which usually jazz me up for healthy living), I’ve hung out with my girlfriends who are “success stories”, I’ve pep-talked myself, and made healthy menus. But all to no avail. I’ve also prayed. Nothing.

So here I am, feeling like Jabba the Hut, wondering when the tide will turn and if by that time I will actually resemble Mr. Hut.